By Sheree Zielke
Unity! It’s the buzz word when couples join in a fairytale church wedding, or in an Elvis-managed quickie Vegas contract. Whatever the style of marriage the result is the same: Union, unity, united.
Bridal web sites and slick magazine ads flow with muted images of a bride’s hand demurely crossed over the more masculine hand of her husband. The message? Unity.
Then there is the “unity” candle. Its tiny wick jumps to life as bride and groom make their vows of forever togetherness.
But there’s a dark side to all this unified sweetness and light: Who will handle the (dirty word now), money?
It’s assumed, isn’t it, that if you marry someone, you will also share your financial worth with him or her? Or is it?
According to modern stats, many couples have already lived together in some form, sharing costs like rent, utilities, and food. But that’s more akin to being roomies, not marital partners.
In the old days, when women were more their husband’s property than his partner, the fairer sex barely knew where the checkbook was – let alone how to balance a checkbook. But today’s woman is more financially responsible, especially with the barrage of available credit cards, debit cards, and PayPal. Today’s woman has far more to know than just the location of the family checkbook.
In addition, although it’s not a nice topic for a newly married couple, death is a very real issue. And couples must plan finances around death. It is imperative married couples clear away any hurdles that might deny a surviving spouse the ability to use banked funds. If you have a Paypal account, be sure your spouse has the log-in and the password. Or you can kiss those funds good-bye. (Unless someone knows about your PayPal account, and has all the information necessary to access your funds, it’s a little like burying a hunk of gold in an open field. And forgetting about it. The gold will never come to get you or your heirs, and neither will PayPal.)
As to the actual management of marital monies, this is both a science and an art. One of you will have a better handle on budgeting than the other, while the other may have more creative ideas on how to spend those dollars. It’s better for both partners to allow either the husband or wife to manage the household funds, but not to the detriment of the other. There must be give and take (pardon the pun). I once lived with a man who listed EVERY red cent we spent; we even had to count our pocket change at the end of the day (this marriage was doomed from the start). And I married a man who had barely a clue as to how much money we had; he just passively left it all up to me (this marriage didn’t make it either).
The truly successful marriage will encourage input into finances and monthly budgeting from both parties. Husband and wife must be on the same page when it comes to savings. Do we need that 2-week vacation in Belize, or is a downpayment on a house more important? Kids’ education account? Kids? 52-inch wide-screen HD television? You know, the really important stuff.
And then there’s the old adage: “The family that pays together, stays together.” Well, okay, so I took a liberty with the word, “pays,” but you get the idea.
Decide at the beginning, even before the wedding menu becomes an issue, or the bridesmaids’ dresses are chosen, as to how the two of you will handle your finances. Make sure each of you has access to any and all accounts including web-based accounts. If you must, keep a small savings account privately, but not secretly. This is a no-no and a definite deal-breaker in the unity department.
Money is a necessary evil, a dark side of unity, if you will. But it is a manageable evil, if both marital partners are willing to set up a financial plan together; willing to put up, well, a “unified” front.
Back to Articles
|
